Are You The Default Parent For Your Children? Here Are The Signs

Just like any other relationship, parents also have a dynamic between themselves that often complement each other. While one parent may be the organized one but bad at coming up with things, the other may be a be scattered but a great planner and better at ideating. There are also combos like bad cop, fun cop where one parent takes the role of the disciplinarian while the other finds a fun way to deal with the kids. The most often dynamic that you may come across is the parent who is always concerned while the other one may not be as worried to do things. While from an outside perspective all of these dynamics can seem innocent, but there is a clear bad side for kids. The parent who disciplines, organizes, and worries are often the unfun parents who children do not like while the other parent is preferred. What you may have noticed is that all the ‘bad cop’ things are actually what kids need to grow up as responsible adults. If you are often taking these roles, have you ever wondered if you are default parent for your children? Like you are the first person that comes to mind when you are looking for the child’s parent. Here are some signs you may be that parent.

You're the primary caregiverYou're the one who consistently takes on the majority of childcare responsibilities, from feeding and bathing to scheduling appointments and managing homework. Whenever there is an emergency in school you are the one who is called, even if the other parent is actually free. You're the mental load carrierYou're the one who keeps track of everyone's schedules, remembers birthdays, and plans family outings. Whether it is a birthday, or anniversary you are expected to handle it all by yourself. Many times the default parents even organize their own birthdays because no one helps them. You're the problem solverChildren mean a lot of problems and often when they arise there is only one person solving it. When issues arise with the children, you're the one who steps in to address them. You have find the solution and possibly fix it yourself because no one steps in to do it if not you. You're the emotional support systemWhether it is a happy feeling or a sad feeling you have to be responsible for it. You're the one your children turn to for comfort, advice, and emotional support. You not only carry your own emotions in a bag but you also have to do the comforting because no one else will. You're the household managerYou're responsible for most of the household chores, from cooking and cleaning to grocery shopping and bill paying. Whenever there is a party or an event, you shoulder all responsibilities. And if you want help then you have to delegate the tasks yourself to other people as no one will come up on their own. You're the one who initiates conversationsWhile you and your partner may have noticed that there are issues but you're the one who brings up concerns about the children's well-being or the division of household responsibilities. You have to initiate these or again take the entire responsibility on your shoulder. You're the one who sacrificesYou often put your own needs and desires on hold to prioritize the needs of your family. It might be for the children, it might be for your partner, but your feelings and wants are pushed aside, sometimes even without asking you as they do not value you enough. You feel resentment and exhaustionThere are many times that you have had to give on what you want just for others sake and that can make you feel unappreciated and resentful. You may feel overwhelmed, underappreciated, and resentful towards your partner for not pulling their weight.